


Glimpse of memories

by chaoticneurobivergent



Series: Keithtober 2018 [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-23 07:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16154210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticneurobivergent/pseuds/chaoticneurobivergent
Summary: "Shiro seemed embarrassed, and was sending confused looks at his boyfriend who was barely acknowledging them. Adam kept eating, casually, and he only looked at Keith expectantly when the silence lingered.“How was your childhood?” Adam had asked."





	1. childhood memories

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited for Keithtober hhhhh  
> this chapter is for **day 3 - childhood memories**! it works fine alone, but the next chapter will be a parallel one-shot, making the story even better imo

Shiro never asked much about his life, but Adam did. The question passed his lips so naturally, making Keith stopped his movement and glanced at Shiro over his glass of water. Shiro seemed embarrassed, and was sending confused looks at his boyfriend who was barely acknowledging them. Adam kept eating, casually, and he only looked at Keith expectantly when the silence lingered.

“How was your childhood?” Adam had asked.

Well, first of all, Keith was only thirteen, so he wasn’t sure his childhood was technically over - or was it? It was still a lot of years. Secondly, this question didn’t make much sense, because Keith was sure Shiro had already told Adam about foster homes, and his dad, and his mum. And all that wasn’t exactly a dinner topic, at least Keith didn’t want to ruin Adam’s nice cooking with his sad stories - maybe he wouldn’t have hesitated if they were around Shiro’s infamous burned chicken.

But, and that was the third point he noted, Adam’s words were genuine. Keith had heard those words a lot, especially for someone so young, as they usually came from well-intentioned therapists. Everytime they would always asked about that, about how he felt about what he lived. So Keith would focused on what he felt when his mum’s absence started to sting, his heart longing for someone his brain didn’t remember; he would focused on what he felt when his dad left him too, on how much it hurt to feel selfish and guilty; he would focused on the numbness that painted his steps since then, and the constant voice on the back of his mind telling him he didn’t belong. Keith knew those feelings, but that wasn’t what Adam was asking.

“Uh…” Keith managed to get out while putting his glass down. Adam seemed satisfied with this sign that Keith had heard his question and was thinking it through. Shiro was still glancing from one to the other, not sure whether he should intervene. Keith gave him a small smile, but his focus was on the mess that was his memory and in which he couldn’t find any decent info. “Okay, I guess?”

Adam chuckled. “You guess?”

Yes.

No.

He didn’t know.

Keith had always had a lot on his mind. Every day brought its own set of words, printing events into his mind through feelings and unanswered questions. Every night dropped him to sleep after hours of over-thinking, and he thought there was no way the spinning of pictures would ever stop. He didn’t really want it to stop until he was eight. Then, he started to fall asleep lulled by his own painful wishes. And though he hoped for it, Keith never thought would come a day where his thirteen year old self would look back into his memory, only to find grey pieces floating all over the place and crumbs of what once was.

It was okay to have a foggy memory, he has been told. Sometimes life got too hard, and your brain managed as it could - and sometimes it meant burying things down when they were filled with too much pain. It was still there, simply out of reach. But Keith had other memories on his mind, he was sure of it, it couldn’t all be glimpses of daze or sadness. If he navigated through the clouds, and let some grey pieces out of his sight, Keith thought he could find some spots of colors here and there, something vibrant enough he could share with Adam.

Keith remembered long days and nights spent outside, big hands on his shoulders or holding his owns, showing him plants and rocks and animals. He would asked all the questions on his mind, trying to set in stone every single answer.

He remembered a warm sun above him while he tried to jog as fast as his dad, until sweats ran on his neck and wetted his hair and he stopped, out of breath, to sit on the ground.

He remembered looking down as he felt a tiny pain on his ankle, and seeing a gopher snake crawling away. A small bite that he probably deserved for disturbing the animal, but that day Keith learned even cute creatures could hurt.

He remembered a bandage around his wound, and an evening spent under a clear sky of stars. They shined so bright Keith couldn’t take his eyes off them, and he remembered the heat of sleeping bags wrapping him and his dad during the night they spent outside.

He remembered rushing back home to take his knife, just in case something more dangerous tried to bite them, but his weapon stayed on his belt until the sun risen again.

Pictures kept coming to him. It was other short moments, mostly him and his dad, and the desert he loved. Warm days and cold nights where he had felt alive, where he had dreamt of stars and speed and space. He remembered his loneliness, which at the time never weighed on him. He remembered a childhood in shades of orange, and it was warm, and sweet, and safe.

“Yeh” confirmed Keith to Adam, a sincere smile on his lips this time. “It was good.”


	2. in the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Few hours later, Lance jumped on the hoverbike with his own bag and wrapped his arm around Keith’s waist. He was grinning since he had caught Keith's eyes from inside, and Keith was pretty excited, too. 
> 
> “Ready?” Keith asked.  
> “I was born ready.”
> 
> And they drove.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the second part of this story goes with **day 4 - in the future**! both are pretty linked, in the end ;)  
>  yes it ended up longer than expected  
> yes I even had to cut scenes  
> pls enjoy

“Are you done packing?”

“Yes, Shiro.” shooted Keith from his desk. He didn’t know where was Shiro in the house exactly, so he hoped he was loud enough to be heard. “I finished this morning.”

“Did you forget anything?” Shiro’s voice seemed closer now, and Keith heard steps in the corridor before his door opened.

“I’d say no.” Keith turned to his brother who laid on the doorframe with a concerning face. “But if I did forget something, I wouldn’t know. That’s the point.”

Shiro chuckled nervously. “Leave me alone. I’m just worried.”

“I’ve been there before, everything will be fine.”

“You never went alone.”

“I’m not alone, Lance’s coming too and you know that.” Keith stood up and laid on the wall next to Shiro, a smirk on his lips as he continued. “Just say it. You’re worried because it’s my first vacation since the war’s over and you won’t be there to look after me ‘just in case’.”

“It’s true.” Shiro admitted in a soft voice. It has been months now, and everything has been going really well. But his brain didn’t get the memo, and there was always a voice on the back of his head, whispering _maybe they weren’t safe_. Shiro knew the doubts and the fears would never fully go away, that he would still wake up from nightmares and still feel like he had to be ready to fight, even after years of peace. He was trying, though, to not let it stop him from enjoying the simple times - like Keith messing with him. A small smile reached his lips, “But I’m not gonna say it.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “I lived there, Shiro. I spent years in space, you let me go with the blade-

“I technically didn’t.”

“-or your clone let me, details. I fought so many battles I can’t remember all of them. I lead Voltron!”

“Are you showing off or do you have a point?”

“He’s just saying” Adam suddenly chimed in. He rested his head on Shiro’s shoulder, hiding his face and how done he was with their loud never-ending conversation but his tone was bored all the same. “Stop being an overprotective big brother and let him have fun in the desert with his boyfriend. It’s just a desert, what’s the worst that could happened?”

“Thank you!”

 

Few hours later, Lance jumped on the hoverbike with his own bag and wrapped his arm around Keith’s waist. He was grinning since he had caught Keith's eyes from inside, and Keith was pretty excited, too.

“Ready?” Keith asked.

“I was born ready.”

And they drove.

 

It felt like an escape.

Keith wasn’t a quitter. Not really. He fought until it hurt and he was bleeding and falling on the ground, even when hopelessness was all over his skin. Because he didn’t know how to stop, because he had to do something until he died, because he had to do something before he died. Sometimes it felt like running away, though. When he dropped the Garrison, or when he dropped the Black Lion; it didn’t feel good, but it felt right.

Keith was a quitter. Probably. He fought until it hurt and he was bleeding and falling on the ground, even when hope was all over his skin. Because he didn’t know how to stop. He didn’t know how to take a step back and the time to be loved. He spent years running away from what he wanted, and maybe his therapist was right and he deserved this vacation.

The war wasn’t technically over. Peace had returned on Earth, and on so many other planets, but the universe was huge and the paladins were still needed. It didn’t feel right to go on a trip with Lance in this state, even if it was only a few days, and there were other people than them out there, and they would get back - Keith still thought it was selfish. But the wind was cold against his hands, and Lance’s arms were warm around his waist. And as the miles went by, pushing them away from the city and closer to a clear blue sky, those thoughts were blown away until Keith didn’t really care anymore.

It felt like an escape, in a good kind of way.

 

“Wow.” That was all that left Lance’s lips when he hopped off the bike. A single word of appreciation for the wooden house in front of them.

Keith couldn’t stop smiling as he recognized the patterns on the door, what was hidden behind the shutters, the lines on the broken window, as well as the croaky sounds coming from the swing. “I know, it’s so pretty.”

“It looks abandoned.” Lance deadpanned. He glanced at Keith, trying not to smile at his wounded face and confused eyes. “But in a ‘no one’s been there in years’ way, not in an ‘aliens destroyed the place’ way. Which makes it charming? In a spooky way.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Keith said as a smile came back on his lips. “In a frustrating way.”

Most of the Earth had been destroyed by the Galras. All the architectural works from centuries reduced to mere ruins, and breathtaking landscapes changing under the strength of purple bombs and lasers. From the few cities Keith had seen so far, it barely looked like Earth again - more like yet another conquered planet they had to help. But the road they took was a long straight line leading to nowhere, and Galras didn’t care about no man’s lands. This scenery was already endless emptiness before Zarkon was even born, and Keith was relieved to know it was still the same place full of dry sand he grew up in.

As soon as their bags were put in the living room, Keith took Lance’s hand and pulled him outside. He stopped here and there, telling stories about the porch and that time he fell on a sharp rock which cut his elbow open, or how the broken window stayed like that for years until it didn’t matter anymore, or the hours he spent on the swing trying to fly into the stars. Lance listened to every word, asking questions from time to time as much to understand better than to see Keith’s smile widen each time he remembered more details. The place still looked abandoned, sure, but Keith’s words gave it so much life, and Lance realized that was all Keith saw in this place: a past made of sweet stories and childish laughter - and maybe also a future made of the same things.

The sun was hot and Keith was tired from the drive, but he couldn’t resist the urge to run. Lance followed immediately, stumbling a bit but catching up fast. And they ran so far the sun was already going down when they walked back home, hand in hand. Lance was gushing about the stars, and his excitement only increased when Keith said they could sleep outside.

“Are you sure it’s safe?” Lance still asked, once they got back and set up the sleeping bags. Keith did tell him about too many injuries to count, and the stars could be as comforting as they wanted, Lance doubted they could do much against the wildness of the place.

“Yeh. As long as you don’t disturb the snakes, it’s fine. It’s just a desert.”

“‘Just a desert’, he said after mentioning snakes.” Lance scoffed. “What kind of excuse is that?”

“Hm.” Keith knew the answer wouldn’t help his case. He dropped on his sitting bag as he still tried “Adam’s?”

As expected, Lance wasn’t impressed by his argument from authority, they both knew Adam wasn’t easily scared and tend to be way too chill about anything. “Well, Adam should know it’s _because_ it’s a desert that it’s dangerous.”

Keith shrugged. “I have my knife, it’s okay. Just come here and appreciate the place.”

Lance didn’t expect the experience to be more than just sleeping under the stars, which he had done numerous times before. It was still amazing, and he gladly laid down next to Keith. He winced at the tiny rocks on his back, but it was comfortable enough. The view would have largely make up for any kind of discomfort anyway. It looked like an ocean, deep blue and endless, and as they were miles and miles from any city, Lance was sure they could see all of the stars, any tiny light, coming from so far away just for them to see. Lance nestled against Keith as he asked “How long did you live here?”

Keith welcomed the arms around him, eyes fixed on the stars as Lance’s fruity smell blended with the familiar scent of the desert. He had missed this - the view, the sand, the cold, even the sharp rocks -  more than he had thought, he realized. And the simplicity of being there with Lance made it all better. “Only until my dad died. I actually spent most of my childhood elsewhere, but this is what feel like home. Or like, you know, that place you look back to and feel nostalgic. The place that seems out of time and tastes bittersweet.”

And well, Keith thought but didn’t say, it was the place he remembered the most.

Keith’s memory had gotten worse. It was the war, he knew it. He could remember when they all met and they left for space, but the more it lasted, the more he could only picture blurred shapes in a timeline of events which barely made sense. Every night seemed to drag more out of him, so much Keith stopped thinking he would ever find the missing pieces again. It was a confusing feeling, to want his memories back, when he used to wish they were gone, and when he witnessed Shiro struggling with his own every day. Maybe it was better to not know, Keith had wondered once. It was after Matt had approached him with soft touches and whispers, and he told him about a self-sacrifice attempt. Keith pretended he knew what Matt was talking about - truth was, he had no memory of it.

Keith had stayed awake for countless nights, trying to remember a hint, a glimpse, something. But all he saw was more dark grey clouds. It was even worse since the Quantum Abyss. He couldn’t tell apart what he saw there, what he actually remembered, what he lived. He didn’t know the difference between what would happen, what could happen, and what he wished for. His head was a patchwork of colors he couldn’t make sense of. So he focused on his orange memories - those who were there to stay, secure in his mind - and Lance’s bright blue - which was sweet and soothing. He pushed the grey away with every new sunrise, and he believed in a future so full of colors he wouldn’t even noticed the gaps.

“I like it.” Lance’s voice was just a whisper, just enough to bring Keith back in the present and make him smile. From all the places Keith went through and remembered or forgot about, and from all the places he would go to; he was sure none of them would feel as right as the middle of the desert, falling asleep under the stars, wrapped in Lance’s arms.


End file.
